I've been having a lot of dreams lately in which I am raped or molested by older men.
At first, I didn't see the connection. I just had my third one in a row this morning and to be honest, I'm a bit hesitant to fall back asleep. But I realized as I was brushing my teeth that these dreams started when I picked back up writing my song about the time my 'friend' tried to rape me. Funny, when I think back on it I don't feel anything (probably because I try not to think back on it), but in my sleep, am I really that terrified?
It sickens me that something that happened four years ago can render me as weak as having problems just sleeping.
The only other connection between my dreams is that when I try and reach out for help, I can never receive it. One time, there WAS no help, another time the cops didn't believe me and this time, I was either too ashamed to call for help or 911 and 0 were down.
I wonder what my dreams are trying to tell me. They aren't vague dreams either - while they happen, I feel as though I am truly awake, which is strange because I am generally a lucid dreamer. But are they telling me I am ashamed? That I could have done more if I wanted to?
What happens in the attic... stays in the attic.
They are recurring memoirs repressed n they come back in sleep. The only thing that helps is havin a clear idea of wat u want to dream about n then sleep. U need to program ur subconcious
ReplyDeleteHoly shit.
ReplyDeleteLook, when you think about something that happened, you can suppress the reaction. You're remembering facts. You've probably trained yourself over the years to just recall information. Dreaming is another matter. If something gets dredged up that is bothering you, you can't not deal with it in your dreams.
Like I've said before, if you ever want to talk, I'm free.